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 How to Get Over a Break Up..(maybe this can help!!)

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kenjch
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Number of posts : 72
Age : 38
Location : Quezon City
Job/hobbies : Internet
Registration date : 2008-11-03

PostSubject: How to Get Over a Break Up..(maybe this can help!!)   Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:12 pm

[color=yellow]We all go through breakups. They can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. Breakups are handled differently by different people. These steps may not be perfect for everyone, but they can help!

Steps

1.
Examine what happened and ask yourself why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault - or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
2.
Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.
3.
Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, no sex - not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
4.
Think through everything in your head. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason, but it wasn't a "good one," then understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, but if that was enough to be a determining factor in continuing with the relationship, then clearly, there was something else wrong.
5.
Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the split was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.
6.
Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.
7.
Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
8.
Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
9.
Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, turn the station and move on.
10.
Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
11.
Stay active. It's scientifically confirmed that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
12.
Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harboring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.
13.
Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that it is better to be on your own than to continue in a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.
14.
Think Positively. Now that you're not with your ex, you can date other people - go ahead, this is okay. You're free - only your actions and thoughts free you from what you cannot control. Change your behaviors; that will help change your thinking. Of course, don't forget about respecting other peoples' thoughts and feelings while feeling released and free, and always remember to be true to yourself.
15.
Don't rethink your decision. If you keep thinking about all the good times you have you will forget the reason for why you are actually breaking up. This is not good because you will just go back to square one especially if you regret it (after) the breakup.


[edit] Tips

*
Walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you could give. If you feel you did your part as best you could, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you'll be just fine.
*
Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now and if you should visit. Don't try to talk to him or her about the break up. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
*
Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another - stop.
*
As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do - something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process and involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
*
Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and likewise. When you go through a break up or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding true happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include marriage or romantic relationships... and that is okay, no matter what you do in life.
*
As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.
*
If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself if you really want that person back? Will you ever trust them not to break your heart again? Sometimes you just want the person you thought your ex would be, not what s/he actually was.
*
Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. So what better way to survive this than to not give yourself any more reason to feel ashamed, but instead feel pride in yourself - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
*
Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Eventually, though, you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.
*
It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on.
*
If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's myspace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the firefox extension, blocksite, which allows you to block the URL to their profile.
*
Go to a party to blow off some steam and maybe meet someone new, but beware, some of the biggest regrets happen with rebounds and alcohol.
*
Go and talk to and hang out with older friends that have dealt with it before.
*
Do not let yourself be caught up with hatred for your ex. If it is best that you split up, do not upset yourself further. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and you will be friends in the future if that's meant to be. Hating is pointless and will prolong pain and stress for both of you.
*
Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect their decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity, because probably they are not worthy of your true love.
*
Every day make sure you smile. Smiling really helps, even at the worst time of your life. You can be whoever you want to be now, without thinking "will he/she mind if I do that?". Nothing is more important than you. Love yourself, love life, and make sure as soon as you wake up SMILE!
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How to Get Over a Break Up..(maybe this can help!!)
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